ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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