I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
