the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
