god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
