Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
