I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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