I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
