Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
