I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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