Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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