that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
