so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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