I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
