You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
