you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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