she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
