So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize