the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
