his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
