I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
