Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
