you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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