you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
