i jhust puked up my retainher.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
