I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
