I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
