Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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