It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
