Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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