k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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