apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
