In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize