just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
