just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
