Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
