when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
