I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize