I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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