No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
