I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
