Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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