I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
