Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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