I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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