i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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