Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
