did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
