The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
