Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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