We won't sleep together?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
