Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
