how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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