YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
