I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
