glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
