I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
