Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
