so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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