i think i have two assholes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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