Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

i need an iv and a liver transplant

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(904): View more from Florida

ID DO HER

(1-904): View more from Florida

SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK

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(443): View more from Maryland

So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.

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(801): View more from Utah

I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

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(615): View more from Tennessee

If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.

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(805): View more from California

his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk

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(843): View more from South Carolina

when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.

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(469): View more from Texas

Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka

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