After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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