operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
