let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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