I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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