: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
