You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
