Kiss
Puke
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize