I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
