I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
