last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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