I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
