you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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