its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
