I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
