He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
