I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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