Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
